The Reality of Dreams
by Jay Foren
Summary: Nevva takes a short trip to Veelox. She eventually learns a few things about herself from a certain Aja Killian.


Tumblrverse due to my creative handicap. I just really wanted to use this.

For those who don't know what that means, Nevva and Saint Dane are alive and living together on Second Earth.

* * *

Nevva knows that she really can't explain why she has decided to come to Veelox. In fact, she's spent much of the last few days pondering exactly how to get the traveler of Veelox to give her access to this world's virtual reality program known as Lifelight. She has honestly come up completely empty. Somehow, Nevva knows that she can't expect to appeal to this traveler's sense of goodwill. In her youth, she'd openly declared herself as the enemy by being the only traveler who betrayed Halla for Saint Dane's side. She knows that the others definitely have a right to dislike and distrust her for it. So she resolves to lie, maybe attempt to convince this Aja Killian that she's merely here for a vacation. After all, Nevva really doesn't feel the need to disclose her entire family history to every new person that she meets, and to be honest, she doesn't want to. She's long since grown out of that impulse and has realized that she just needs to live with some hurt because others are living with it because of her.

Lately, Nevva has found lying to be an awful lot easier than telling the truth to anyone. She rarely finds herself getting caught, if only because the other people in her very small social circle are honestly beginning to move on from the war and very little attention is being put her way. Nevva really doesn't mind though, because she's mostly used to being invisible and she likes lying. Lying is simple and if she goes about it properly then nobody gets hurt, not even her. However good she is at lying to others however, Nevva is honestly really bad at lying to herself. And the honest-to-spirits truth is that she really has not grown out of that impulse.

Eventually, Nevva manages to force her attention away from her own misfortune. Using great effort she moves her eyes upwards, from where they had been directed at the ground by her feet. Instead she takes a minute and realizes exactly how breathtaking the size of Veelox's black pyramids is. Although Nevva was a regular visitor to Ibara during the war, she's not exactly an expert on Veelox. For some reason, Saint Dane never exactly lowered himself to asking her to accompany him on the journey to the wrecked city across the sea. Nevva doesn't wonder why, as hindsight allows her to realize just how much she must have annoyed the bastard.

She's not exactly sure how large she expected the pyramids to be, but now that she thinks about it, she chides herself. Of course the pyramids are massive! She realizes what a silly expectation of her it was for such popular buildings to be normal sized. She knew whole cities were contained in them, yet never thought they were larger than a house. Nevva nearly giggles at her own naivety, but stops herself, because she is most definitely not a giggling person. In addition to the pyramids, Nevva also notices the sobering state of the city. Rubic City has of course fallen into complete disrepair. Due to Lifelight there is nobody to maintain the streets or buildings, but at least that particular tragedy has nothing to do with her. The people of Veelox made their own decision to live in fantasy rather than reality. Nowadays Nevva finds that she only slightly envies them for having that choice. She supposes that may be an improvement. The brunette knows that she would have begged for the opportunity to live in the world of her imagination rather than that of the cruel trustees during certain parts of her life.

How odd is it, she ponders, that people can just choose to abandon a whole city? After growing up in overpopulated streets, it simply doesn't seem possible to the brunette. For a moment Nevva wonders what it was that motivated them to do such a drastic thing. However she stops that train of thought when she realizes that it was probably the same thing that motivated her to make the decisions that she did. These people were likely just going through hard times or had a bad day when they realized that there was a chance to just remove all the problems from their lives. In essence they were only looking for better lives and Nevva certainly can't blame them for that. As Nevva has personally experienced, people can be inherently selfish when it comes to how difficult their lives are.

The abandonment of Veelox isn't just odd either, it's actually quite sad. In all actuality, the sheer silence all around Nevva is honestly one of the depressing things she's ever experienced. Of course, anything is better than the time that Elli Winter most definitely did not come home in Nevva's opinion. However, lately Nevva's been trying really hard not to think of that particular sob story, so she just mentally categorizes the silence as bad and continues to move along the cracked pavement at her usual brisk pace.

She only pauses once to curse loudly when she almost rolls her ankle in a pothole. It turns out that heels, no matter how short their length, are really not meant for wearing in damaged terrain. Despite the inconvenience she's hasn't broken anything besides a heel so she supposes that she'll live. Removing what's left of her shoes, she continues her walk at a slightly more cautious pace. Small pieces of broken concrete and rubble dig into her feet if she isn't careful, but she's lucky that she never steps on glass or anything extremely sharp. Before long she finds herself at the entrance way to the massive black pyramid. She attempts to calm her nerves before entering, by reminding herself that no, this traveler most certainly will not like her, and she needs to be content with that. Immediately upon entering the pyramid, Nevva is able to calm herself slightly if only because she no longer feels afraid of this world's pure emptiness. Inside it is bright and clean, and the hum of the lights reminds Nevva that no, she is not the only person foolish enough to be on this barren world.

For a moment, she just stands there, wondering how the hell she's supposed to actually get the traveler from Veelox's attention. It occurs to her to slap herself for her own stupidity; she must have been an idiot for not thinking this particular day trip through at all. Nevva realizes that she had put so much thought into determining whether or not she actually wanted to go, that she had not even considered what she would do once she got here. There's honestly not even a single guarantee that Aja Killian is in the building or even on the territory at all. It's typical she realizes; anything going wrong at this point would merely coincide with her usual luck.

She's just beginning to pull out her goddamn traveler ring, because that's how desperate she is, when she hears the soft click of heels coming from down an adjourning corridor. Nevva quickly moves her hand off of her traveler ring, both because she's not sure that she'll need it anymore and because she doesn't know how the travelers feel about having them seen on the territories. While she's sure it wouldn't be a big deal, as it's just an incredibly gaudy ring to the naked eye, Nevva knows from experience that spirits can be incredibly picky. In fact, she's found that spirits can be even pickier when you've already broken their incredibly strict rules multiple times.

She's just gotten everything but her nerves settled when the sound reaches its loudest point and a petite blond steps into the room. Nevva loathes admitting it, but she's never actually met the traveler from Veelox. Shockingly enough, after the war the travelers didn't exactly line up to talk to her. For this reason, Nevva doesn't instantly recognize the blond girl, but she does instantly recognize the ring on her hand as an exact replica of the one in her bag. Secretly thanking whatever spirits that are responsible for her luck, Nevva quickly steps forward to speak to her. She's stopped dead in her tracks immediately after she begins moving when Aja Killian's gaze finally settles on her. The traveler's expression is that of instant dislike and Nevva can't help but recoil slightly.

"Would you mind letting me know who exactly you are? And why you felt the need to completely disregard your state of dress?" Aja is completely correct; Nevva had not bothered to change into Veelox clothing for her day trip. In her own defense, there hadn't been any left at the site of the old flume. Or there might have been, but to be honest, Nevva finds the jumpsuits horrifying in appearance, so she hadn't bothered to look very hard. In fact, Nevva had figured that her current Second Earth garb would be fine for visiting Veelox. It wasn't like anyone was going to see her.

Now though, Nevva realizes that this carelessness is going to start her off on the wrong foot with this girl. How silly it was of her, she realizes, to worry about a stupid ring when she's disregarded one of the travelers' main rules: don't mix the bloody territories. Nevva knows that one of her main flaws is that she makes way too many assumptions. However she never really tries to fix this issue, so she supposes that it really is her fault. It's even more her fault as Press and Pendragon have spent an exuberant amount of time trying to drill 'rules' into her head since the end of the war. The two lead travelers are incredibly persistent when it comes to trying to erase any bad influence she may have gotten from Saint Dane. However, the casual suggestions they try and use really don't work on Nevva. Much of the time she doesn't understand why they can't bend the rules a little bit. Nevva knows that she's grown a little bit in that she no longer shares this opinion with others. At the end of the day, it was a complete coincidence when Press got red in the face and excused himself after Nevva said this to his face the first time.

A few more seconds pass and Nevva realizes that all of this thinking is distracting her from answering the girl's initial questions. While she still looks unhappy, Killian has also gained an impatient look, continuously tapping the toe of her foot as she waits for an answer.

"Well then? Can you hear me?" The girl snaps. Nevva sighs and almost begins to regret ever setting foot on this territory before realizing that yes, she should probably answer her.

"Hello, my name is Nevva Winter." At this the girl's expression changes. While she is still clearly displeased, she now seems much more interested in the conversation at hand. But she doesn't interrupt, or start yelling or accusing Nevva of being a traitor, so she continues, "I must apologize for my apparel. As you have noticed, it is unfit for wear on this territory. However, I was unable to find appropriate clothing at the old flume site. I hope you can forgive me?" Nevva tries a little smile at the end of her speech, but it's unconvincing and she knows it. While Nevva is decent at lying, what she has just spewed is a line of absolute bullshit emitted for the sole purpose of sucking up to a devout traveler. Ass kissing and lying are two very different things, and Nevva finds that she is very bad at the former.

Killian's gaze softens slightly however, and her next words are in a more welcoming tone which Nevva finds pleases her ears. "It should be alright," she begins. "Most of the travelers just go see Evangeline now for clothing. You should have contacted me; I would have told you where to go."

Nevva is shocked. She has always figured that most of the travelers would have a heart attack if she dared approach them. Surely they would have all heard of what she did, of how she had betrayed millions of people on her home territory and left them to die. However Nevva has not actually spoken to another traveler other than Press and Pendragon since the end of the war. She is all too aware that her mother has attempted multiple times to reach out. Yet Nevva has spent a whole year avoiding her, and anyone else that might hold her accountable for her actions. In fact, Nevva has spent a whole year avoiding pretty much everybody. It's easy to get away with though. Nobody pays too much attention to her, so nobody ever tells her that she should get out more.

Killian continues, "I'm sorry to get down to business so soon, but unfortunately I'm currently the only phader on duty. Is there some way that I can help you?" And Nevva knows that she is going to lie, but she isn't happy about it because for some reason this girl is actually being courteous to her and Nevva really doesn't want to lie to her. Although Nevva planned to lie before meeting the girl, she justified it by thinking that the blonde would be quite rude to her. She also knows that this girl can see what she does inside the program. She supposes that visiting estranged family members doesn't count as a vacation.

"Well, I've heard that Veelox has some form of virtual reality program, which allows people to explore their own fantasies." Killian nods at this, but her expression becomes more wary and nervous. "After all the stress of the last few years, I figured there was no better place for a vacation. After all, everything would be perfect, am I right?" Nevva tries out a laugh, but it's fake and high pitched and god has it really been that long? Killian has become completely unreadable, and the girl looks at her feet for a few moments before looking back up.

"Alright. So now that we've got that out of the way, why don't you tell me why you're really here?" Nevva tries really hard to look confused, she really does. In fact, she thinks she does a rather good job of it.

"Pardon me? I'm afraid that there's been a misunder-" she begins to protest before she is cut off.

"Please don't bother. Every traveler who has come to visit me after the war has come with an ulterior motive. Lying to me about wanting a vacation isn't going to work anymore."

Nevva finds it incredibly interesting that other travelers have come to Aja Killian inquiring about Lifelight. She supposes that it might be a massive boost to her own self-esteem to find out what their ulterior motives were. After all, it could turn out to be incredibly humorous. However, Nevva knows that changing the topic in her current predicament might not be the greatest idea. Somehow she has to find a way to get this traveler to permit her to enter Lifelight. At this point Nevva also really does not want to recount twenty five years of family bullshit, starting with the unfortunate yet completely predictable death of her father and ending with her joining a sadistic sociopath in his quest to destroy the world, so telling the truth is completely out of question.

"I'm not sure what you're talking about," she counters. "Honestly I just figured it would be interesting to try this 'virtual reality' out. I've never encountered anything quite like it." Nevva almost throws in a line about how poor she was in her childhood, about how she's never gone on a conventional vacation, yet she knows that none of the travelers want to hear excuses from her. She also remembers her resolution not to talk about her childhood to practical strangers, but again, she's not very good at that.

Aja shakes her head the slightest bit before turning to face the door. The single quick pivot of her left foot results in a dull echo resounding throughout the room. Certain that the girl is just going to walk out without another word, Nevva holds her breath.

"I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I have to get back to work. Unfortunately for you, I don't really approve the use of Lifelight for vacation purposes. It can be quite addicting, and I'm sure you've seen what it has done to my world. Unless you have a better reason, please leave." And at that, Aja Killian begins walking back towards the corridor that she came through.

Nevva only hears three dull echoes before she decides that she is not wasting her time today. "Wait!" she calls out, maybe a tad bit too loud because the room's acoustics are impressive. The sound echoes, covering the quieter sound of heels on tile so Nevva doesn't hear Aja return. Rather she sees the pissed off expression on the smaller girl's face and regrets making any sound at all. She looks down at her feet so as not to see Aja's reaction, because surely this time she will scream – Traitor! I know now that it's you!

"I would like to explain, but first I want to say that I'm very sorry." Nevva starts quiet and timidly, yet she is cut off by the torpedo that is the head phader's voice. Nevva finds it intriguing how one person can command such attention with their voice alone. Aja's interruption is not loud, and it hardly even seems rude due to the girl's simple tone. She supposes that is the reason why the girl has jumped to such a high position at a young age.

"Look," Aja begins, "as much as I love the long drawn out apologies that occur when somebody admits to lying to me, I must repeat that I am the only person working. Please do save your time by just skipping the apology and telling me why you're here." Nevva frowns, because this is not something that she wants to do. In fact, the whole reason for her coming to Veelox in the first place was in order to avoid talking to someone about her feelings.

"It's kind of personal." She emits as an excuse. Aja raises a singular well-groomed eyebrow and taps her foot just once. Another moment or so passes and the two continue to stare at each other. Aja sighs and moves her arm off the doorframe where it had been resting. She begins to walk towards Nevva, pausing three or so feet away from her and crossing her arms. She lowers her eyebrow and pushes the bangs that have fallen from her ponytail out of her eyes. Suddenly, she seems so tired, and Nevva wonders if she has been wrong to call her a mere 'girl'.

"Ms. Winters, you are aware that I can see everything that you do while in Lifelight right?"

"Well yes of course-"

"Well then why would you not take this opportunity to tell me the truth, right here and now? Surely it's better that I know what you'll be doing while jumping beforehand?" Aja is calm, but her gaze is suffocating in a way to Nevva. All she knows is that people are not supposed to be this gentle when they are lied to, regardless of what about.

Nevva feels like she is about to be sick, with the options that she has been given. While Nevva has never exactly been secretive about her family life, she feels that she is trying to do something that she really shouldn't. She knows that abandoned daughters are not supposed to arrange virtual meetings with their mothers. Instead, they're expected to go in real life and try to fix things. Nevva really doesn't think this is fair. She's found that following the war there's been way too much support for her mother, and not nearly enough for her. And she really can't help that one dark part from coming up, the one that thinks her mother should suffer the way she suffered. Because Nevva was alone with her thoughts for an awfully long time, and who can blame her for being gullible enough to take the side of a charismatic monster?

Tears begin to run down her face, and Nevva barely registers it. Aja remains silent, but it is clear that she is becoming horrendously impatient as she is barely restraining herself from fidgeting. Aja is very uncomfortable with people crying in front of her it seems, and she desperately wants to look anywhere but towards Nevva. However she just continues to stare at the girl as she is reduced to shambles.

"My mother . . ." Nevva sniffles and then screams at herself, because she most definitely is not a girl who cries in public. Nevva Winters has been through a lot of awful shit in her life, and for her to cry now is almost a shame.

It seems that somebody has at least warned Aja that there's some bad blood between Elli and Nevva Winter, because the girl's eyes widen a rather large amount. Nevva notices this, but she really doesn't care at this point. She's only uttered two words, yet the rest come out in a torrent.

"She abandoned me! She was selfish and angry and she left me alone with no money and no family because she didn't care! And because of her, I got put into bad situations. Everyone thinks I'm awful but it's her fault, I just wanted somebody to care and he looked like he did . . ." Nevva pauses slightly, having choked over half of her words, and attempts to catch her breath. Aja looks completely taken aback and has taken a step or two backward, as if the force of Nevva's anger has physically pushed her back.

"And then," Nevva continues, "she came back and tried to tell me that she loved me. That I was her sweet child, and that she had missed me and regretted what she did all those years ago. And that was what made me change my mind . . . Now she says that she wants to get together, to talk to me, yet I can barely think of her without being angry! What if there really is something wrong with me?" Nevva pauses and there is a great silence in the room. The two girls stare at each other, and there are still tears moving down Nevva's cheeks in crystalline droplets. Aja makes no move to comfort her. "I just wanted to use your Lifelight to see if I could have a normal conversation with her." Nevva finishes, "Is that really too much to ask?"

Nevva hears a lot about how talking to people about your problems is supposed to make you feel better. Yet for Nevva talking just makes her feel heavier, like the full weight of her life is finally settling on her. It's an unpleasant feeling, but one that Nevva is actually quite familiar with.

Aja just gapes at her, obviously in complete shock that she actually got that much out of Nevva. She seems to have forgotten her work, for she just stands there frozen. It is still painfully silent besides the sound of Nevva's haggard breathing and sniffling, and the only disruption to the tenseness is a sound emitted from one of the machines lining the walls of the room. To Nevva, it feels like forever before Aja speaks.

"I don't know what to say," she says simply.

Nevva is confused and a little bit hurt that Aja makes no move to comfort her. "What do you mean that you don't know what to say?"

"I'm sorry, I just didn't expect you to say that much. I was aware the situation between you and your mother was tense, yet I didn't realize it was that bad. If it helps, she talks about you a lot." Aja is smiling, but it's clear that it's fake and she's still puzzled.

It's bad enough that Nevva had to admit why she showed up, but she definitely does not want to discuss it. Right now, Nevva only wants to hear one thing coming out of Aja's mouth. A clear confirmation that yes, of course she can use Lifelight.

"Unfortunately, it's my belief that sometimes people have to experience things for themselves. In Lifelight, everything's perfect, but how can you truly know how something will turn out in real life?" Aja pauses, and her smile vanishes. "I don't think you're going to like me very much after this," she looks downwards, "but I can't let you use Lifelight. I'm sorry."

It takes Nevva a whole minute to process this statement. She supposes that the situation is made even worse by the fact that she's still crying. At first she frowns, and then she furrows her brows, just waiting for Aja to announce that she's a sadist or joking or something. Aja doesn't say anything more.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" She practically screams, stepping towards Aja. The blonde shrinks back like she's been slapped, and is then forced to move backward in order to retain the space between her and Nevva. "I tell you my personal thoughts, and give you a good reason like you asked, and yet you still say no?" Nevva's voice cracks multiple times throughout her tirade, but she supposes that's normal given that she's not very used to raising her voice.

Aja struggles to explain, and her voice just comes across as meek to Nevva's rage. "Well Lifelight is very addictive as I've already said. I just don't think it's a good idea for you to use it to resolve something that you're so upset about."

Nevva can't believe the audacity of the head phader. To make her visit just another waste of time due to some bullshit personal beliefs . . .

Nevva opens her mouth, "Well, I guess that you had better get back to work, you miserable bitch." Turning on her heel she storms out, wishing that there was a door in her path to slam.

Aja Killian had been right when she predicted that Nevva Winter wouldn't like her.


End file.
